There have been some helpful theories in human history: Einstein’s theory of relativity, Darwin’s theory of evolution, Freud’s theories of mind, the wave theory of light, quantum field theory, the Big Bang theory.
There have also been bad ones: Miasma theory, Static universe theory (Einstein again, but this time wrong); Freud’s theories of mind (he makes both lists!), the flat earth theory (still not quite dead), the theory of bodily humors, blank slate theory and the universal theory of everything.
Today’s special, our theorist de jour, is the conspiracy theorist (comes with a side of lies). These theorists would fall into the “bad” category as they collect clues like Clouseau, put the pieces together like Picasso then draw conclusions like Colonel Klink.
We seem to have a lot of these types today and it’s not hard to figure out why. While people have always been drawn to conspiracies (all it takes are time and a mild bout of paranoia) they haven’t always had the access to information needed to fully commit to the pastime.
Enter the internet.
Remember when we chastised ourselves and others for going to Wikipedia for our facts? Well, Wikipedia has either cleaned up their act (a bit) or we have just decided to accept partially legitimate information.
There is one thing conspiracy theorists are right about: humans are prone to scams. Even when we’re told people are trying to scam us, we get scammed. Over the years we have been consistently and repeatedly sucked in by schemes: pyramid schemes, Ponzi schemes, rhyme schemes, colour schemes, marriage. We’ve been scammed on our phones, swindled though email, and deceived at our front doors.
Admittedly, there have been a good many secret societies in human history: the KKK, Freemasons, early Christians, the French Resistance, Secret Santas. Still, it takes a bit of an apocalyptic imagination to believe that all the cards are coming from the bottom of the pack, that the game is rigged, the books are cooked, the fix is in, and the news is fake.
Cue the new midnight rider: online late at night as half the world sleeps, the dog at their feet believing in them 100 per cent (the cat on their lap, not so much) as they convince themselves that nefarious powers have let their guards down for just enough time for them to have found a rare vein of information that, if followed properly, will lead them to the pumphouse of all conspiracies.
Suddenly, their heart beats faster, sweat forms on their brow, the dog inches closer. They readjust themself in their seat. The cat buggers off. It can’t handle the truth. A Cheshire cat takes its place as they disappear down the rabbit hole.
Why magnify, distort or invent reports that may make us unhappy? Why take such glee in finding terrible yet triumphant conspirators if they are in fact triumphant? Why torment people with these grim fairy tales?
Motives swim in murky waters. Muddy Waters played the blues. Blue-green algae can close a lake. Votives are lit when a vow is fulfilled. Eat your fill until you’re full. Full moons happen every month.
The moral of the story and the point of the above paragraph: facts can be related and still have nothing to do with each other. It all depends upon how and when you look at them, Einstein.
D’Arcy Closs lives in Greater Sudbury. A rotating stable of community members share their thoughts on anything and everything, the only criteria being that it be thought-provoking. Got something on your mind to share with readers in Greater Sudbury? Climb aboard our Soapbox and have your say. Send material or pitches to [email protected].